What You Should Probably Know About Human Rights Day

Did you know that someone, somewhere, decided that today was Human Rights Day? They did! It was likely a vegetarian Hippie, of some hairy sort or the other, interning at Greenpeace, who got this great idea and emailed it over to Amnesty International– who were Dubious, because, really, in their world, isn’t every day Human Rights Day? (Except for Arbor Day, when they care more about the trees?)

Anyway, on 10 December, the whole world really goes mad for Human Rights, as a result of the United Nations and a blog post they made on LiveJournal back in 1948, making the sort of Universal Declaration that young people often do, because they don’t like their parents.

By the sort of eerie coincidence that makes you feel God’s Chilly Hand on your neck, each year some travel agents and Rotary-type boosters in a cold place with slashed letters and probably umlauts award a Cash Prize to someone they think would look good in long tails and wasitcoat, and this year they’re going to present it on this, The Lord’s Day of Human Rights, 2010.

Last year they gave this Prize to a gentleman who had a few wars going, and thought it was probably okay to ice a guy without getting all balled up in the court system, so obviously this is a Peace Prize. This year, money being tight everywhere, they decided to keep the money for themselves and eat at Red Lobster for lunch whenever they wanted, so they have done a clever thing, and given this Prize to a jailbird, whom no one will ever see again, because he goes around making disgusting proposals to the Youth, mostly about Representation, which is a gang thing.

This fellow, Liu Xiaobo, wears glasses and smokes cigarettes, which are Terrible Moral Failures most Chinese men have fallen prey to, like Sports here in the United States. As the above photo demonstrates, Liu Xiaobo is also not above wearing a Sweater Vest, which probably means something unpleasant, sexually.

The Chinese government feels as though all of this Prize-giving is a slap in the face for them keeping this man Liu Xiaobo fed and clothed at their expense, just like we do for a lot of homeless Muslims, at Christmastime, and have started a thing that is a little bit like a Prize, about a man they liked called Confucius. This is a non-Western guy who may have been bearded who once tried to write a book about Good Manners, so this Confucius Prize has nothing to do with Peace at all, and is about clichés, because even the Chinese can’t name anyone else famous who ever came from China (except for Barbara Boxer, who was a war villain, so can’t be Peaceful).

Some other countries who live next door to China and don’t want to see a lot of rotten crabapples and broken limbs getting dumped over their fence, have decided not to go to the Big Buffet the Nobel Committee have spread out for Liu Xiaobo, who they know won’t be there. China has even stopped any of Liu Xiaobo’s friends from leaving China, on the off chance that they might go to the Big Buffet. People of the world are very distressed about this, what with it being Human Rights Day and all, which is why PayPal took their site down yesterday, in protest.


About dilaceratus

Encaustic Artist
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